Just over six months now from my diagnosis and this is what I have learned…. I got such a raw deal. Hashimoto’s is no real laughing matter no matter how hard I laugh at myself. So, the thyroid gland is literally the center of the universe when it comes to systems of the body. I’ve been affected from the top of my head to the tip of my toes. And depending on what symptom I have is predominantly how I think, feel, and generally function. If I’m in a hyper stage: my hair is fine, thin, and falling out. My heart is completely sped up and pounding out of my chest with little effort. My nails are thin break off and my joints ache. I’m processing food twice as fast as most people and well, you get the picture with that problem. No weight gain… weight loss and the whole digestive track is a mess (and that’s putting it nicely).I’m a little manic and don’t sleep that much. This is the time when the palpitations keep me up at night and sometimes all night. If I’m in a hypo stage: my hair is thick, course and dry but still falling out (Hooray, for consistency). My heart is slower but now it just hurts and when it does slow down, I feel it crash. It’s not a heart attack but goodness it feels like it sometimes and if I didn’t know any better, I’d be a regular at a doctor’s office. My nails are thick and brittle and my joints… They ache. No real weight gain but I feel gross and full. I won’t eat that much if at all. I sleep a lot though so, I’m beyond well rested. Nothing like getting 12 hours of sleep and still wanting more.
Then of course, there is the mental aspect of this disease for which I really got a raw deal. There is nothing like being stopped dead in a conversation because you either got lost in thought due to ADD or you completely lost the word you were looking for. For example, I was shaking out the cats blanket and when asked what I was doing by someone, I could not think of the work blanket… It was not only a simple word, IT WAS IN MY HANDS! How could that be possible? Names, places, facts, all seem to leak out my brain. It’s wicked embarrassing when you are trying to talk to someone (say on a first date) and you can’t seem to remember anything that he told you. Not to mention the wandering around the house from room to room because you can’t remember why you went into that room in the first place. I need to write down EVERYTHING and when you are trying to learn a new job, that’s a challenge. I’m doing the best I can though and that is all that matters. I should also mention that my eyes, ears, sense of smell and coordination of well, EVERY MUSCLE in my body works when they all feel like it. To varying degrees, things are not working normally. Of all, I really miss my sense of smell. I wish my hearing would be a little more stable. And my eye sight is really starting to suck out at night. Not to mention the fact that I can be looking for something right in front of me and I can’t see it. But wait, if I blink, it sometimes appears. Nice huh? And I should remind you that what I wrote in previous blogs is still true. Doc’s won’t treat until my numbers are “in range” of treatment… Seriously???
And finally, let me just mention the dating life I am experiencing… I’m gluten free which keeps the weight off when I am hypo so, that makes going out to eat a real challenge. I’d rather stay at home and cook than deal with restaurant staff that don’t have a clue of a difference between rice and rice pilaf (here’s a clue… Rice Pilaf has wheat in it.. If it touches anything else on the plate, I can’t eat it any of it). I’m that date that will still be eating when you are done because she had to send her plate back 5 times. I can’t eat a lot of things that most people can because I’ll get sick and that means that even the kitchen at my house does not have things like sugar, anything that is considered processed foods, good snacks that taste yummy to most normal people… No beer except my gluten free beer. But there is lots of wine. So, that covers the food except to mention that I can’t have MSG either… Can’t even go to a Chinese place without getting ill. Not sure about sushi… I think I need to try that on a Saturday alone in case I need to recover on Sunday. So, frustrating for me and for some dates. I explain it to them in the simplest terms possible. Tell them mostly about the food issues and they wrinkle their noses… Then I usually cook them a meal and they change their tune. Eating gluten free and organic can be very good. Of course, I go into the rest of the symptoms when I feel comfortable and a few things happen. They either say they don’t want to hear about it, want to put me in a bubble for fear I will break, or they just don’t call me back. Sorry guys but to know me is to know all of me… And be able to handle the ugly parts. I guess it’s a good tool to weed out people. However, some good ones have surprised me by not being able to handle it. Even when I tell them that I don’t complain about my aches and pains, tell them that you’ll forget I am sick after a while, and tell them that I don’t’ expect them to go gluten free. The most surprising was a guy asking me to just ignore it and all my health regime and have a beer. Go ahead; cheat a little he says… Are you trying to kill me??? Yes, even dating is interesting with an autoimmune disease… And I don’t even look sick. I look good for having it.
So, the fight for understanding and medication goes on… How long before I get meds? It’s been 6 months now and counting… Since I have new health insurance due to my job change, I have to wait and pick a new Endocrinologist… Also on my wish list; A cardiac work up, MRI of my head, and testing for Adrenal Fatigue which I can already tell I have…. Nice to have confirmation though. It's been fun really but I never asked for all this... I want a do over or something.
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