The other day, I just realized, I'm DONE.
I’m a few months away from a year anniversary… Relax, it’s not THAT anniversary and that’s another story all together. I’m talking about the anniversary of being diagnosed with a Thyroid Disease. So, why am I writing this so early? What’s the reason for the premature musing? Well, I’m done. That’s right, pure and simple, I’m done. Done with doc’s for the time being. Done with being told that everything is normal. Sure, my labs are normal (for the most part) even if there are a few levels that I am watching on my own. The good thing is that a few of my thyroid levels are holding steady or low. Doesn’t mean I am symptom free. Doesn’t mean I’m “normal”. It just means that I’m in a good cycle. It just means that I seem to have my lab work done when my Thyroid is behaving. So, as a result of having countless (OK 3 going on 4) Docs tell me that I’m “normal”, I’m just… Done.
Oh, I should say that this does not mean that I am giving up my Gluten Free Lifestyle. I happen to like the results: less weight gain, a non-swollen thyroid, and no hot flashes from eating something bad. I’m also not done with the vitamin supplements although I may have to tweak them a bit and reduce some to see if there’s an improvement in some of my labs (if there isn’t then there may be other issues). I’m just done with the pursuit of medications and other preventative treatments. After all, the doc’s seem to tell me that I don’t need anything. You know, even though I have all these symptoms and I’m sometimes not comfortable at all because my joints are SCREAMING. But whatever right, modern medicine says I’m normal.
So, in a years’ time, here’ s what normal looks like: My undiagnosed heart murmur is now palpitations (they seem to happen when I lay on my left side) and let’s not forget the racing heartbeat that I can have on occasion and even at rest. The mental fog continues and it’s still freakin’ hilarious when I can’t think of a word, lose my train of thought, or otherwise have those ADD moments. Consequently, the mental fog is the easiest to cover. The sore throat, dry throat, general “fullness” feeling where my thyroid is, and let’s not forget the vocal changes and cough are all great. Especially since I’m a singer at heart and I’d really like to keep a voice to do something with it. Another favorite thing in this normal experience is the muscle weakness, stiff achy and swollen joints (including fingers and toes). This is especially great when they happen all at once. These are of course not to over shadow anything else that is happening however, the loss of my sense of smell (not always a bad thing) and the fact that I sometimes can’t see things right in front of my face are just the best! Oh, and let’s not forget the fact that I am now a self-regulating furnace and can wake up anyone sleeping next to me with my incredible 20 minute hot flashes (glad I could warm you up). I could go on but I need something to write about on the year anniversary officially. Really, this is the fun part of waiting for my thyroid to die so that I can have medication… I can hardly wait to feel what it feels like to be not normal and to be actually truly and otherwise SICK. Well, sick by modern medicine standards… This is a blast right now. Really, I can hardly wait.
And you know I spout off about all this stuff that’s happening to me and you’d never know by looking at me. You’d never know by sitting next to me. Well, unless I’m having a hot flash. In spite of all this, I’m still able to function (although some days are slower than others) and hold a job and have a social life. I try and keep things quiet and still sometimes, on my really bad days, I really just want to crawl into someone’s lap and have him tell me that I can forget about all this stuff and just really be normal. Like the normal that I was a little over a year ago. Even though apparently, I was sick… I just didn’t know it. Of course, I also want him to stick around, so I tone down A LOT. There’s no need to really scare him since we just started down our road and we are still new to each other. I'd like to see him stick around and experience things through my eyes and well, I'd like to enjoy really gettign to know him. And after all, according to the Doc’s, what I am going through, this is all normal. So, maybe that’s the key… Not knowing. And to that end, you now see why I’m done. Modern medicine has kind of let the thyroid disease population down… Why is it that we need to feel bad in order to feel good again? I’m just at the beginning of this road too. Can hardly wait for year two.
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