Sometimes, life is not about what
you do day in and day out… Sometimes life is what you strive to do and what you
want to accomplish. Those long term goals that you want to see a little closer
than a spot on the horizon. So, this summer, I set out to not wait around for
anyone and to do the things that I wanted to do… To do those things on my own
terms and have a little fun. Somewhere along the way, I think I found myself.
All I needed was a mountain top to do it.
Even before I got sick last year, I
had… Issues. I know, who doesn’t have issues really? These days we are all
carrying some kind of baggage. And the first story I have to tell you is kind of
how I got here to today… Back in 2007, I had set out to climb Mount Monadnock
with someone. Thinking that it would be a piece of cake, we set out with some
water and that was about it. We hiked and we talked and walked and we started
to climb… I felt like I was hanging onto the side of the mountain at one point.
I lost my grip and I slipped down some slick granite. I froze. You’d think that
anyone would be supportive and try and talk me up… Nope. He talked me into a
blind panic instead. I sent him on and cursed myself as I waited… and waited…
On the side of that mountain until he came back and we could go back down
together. I was defeated…. I think he felt just fine. Most know that he lasted
until 2009. But what he did, lasted well…. Until recently.
You see recently, I finally figured
out how to live. I figured out how to live with a disease and still be
extremely active. I figured out how to live and get my needs met. I figured out
how to live and not have to wait for anyone to tell me it was OK to do something.
I figured out how to live in the light instead of someone else’s shadow.
Surprised that it took me this long to figure it out? Probably not if you know
me. It’s been one hell of a ride and I’m still going. Still learning. All the
while, I am living. At 3165ft up, today I finally completed the last long
standing obstacle. I’ll get back to today soon…
It all really started earlier this
summer I started hiking around state parks… Pretty much flat surfaces and long
trails. Not bad for a day and I was able to work through some pretty intense
thoughts I had going on. OK, I may or may not have been on the verge of a
emotional crisis at the beginning of the summer and I needed an outlet. I found
hiking. Then one day, I climbed something called Little Monadnock… Complete
with views of the very mountain that I had not completed. It was mocking me essentially from a far. I
vowed to get back there and do it and all the while I continued to have these
conversations with myself. Worked out a plan and on Little Monadnock, I decided
that life was too short to wait for all these things I had been promised and if
anything I needed to get moving and do things on my own. Then I also realized
how bored I had become on flat surfaces… So, I started hiking small mountains.
The small ones lasted all of well, Pack Monadnock in Miller State Park.
I jumped to Mount Cardigan at 3,119
ft. It was a nice walk that coincided with an inspirational talk by two ladies
in their 50’s that had hiked all the 4000footers in New England. I was hooked
sitting up there on the cardigan summit with the past and present colliding. The
following weekend, I jumped again and did two peaks in one day and in the White
Mountains. Mount Crawford 3129ft and Stairs Mountain 3463ft. My first trip into
the Whites and I was in love… With mountain hiking. I had been promised a hike
up Mount Chocorua at 3490ft. the unfortunate thing was the promise was backed
out of… I however did it anyway… Solo like the rest. This one was more hand of
hand climbing at the summit. I was not sure at first if I was capable. It turns
out… I am. I sat on the summit eating my PB&J (A regular ritual) with the
grin of a small child up to no good on the playground… My new Playground was officially
the White Mountains. And it was on that mountain with that broken promise that
I decided to begin my quest officially for the 4000footers in New Hampshire. I
was able to mark off Mount Moosilauke this past Saturday… 4802ft. And still one
mountain had to be completed before I got too far in.
Today was the day… Monadnock was in
my sights. In spite of thunderstorms in the area and in spite of all those pit
falls and illnesses I had before me, I set out. I took a different and more
challenging trail than the one that stalled me last time. And I was alone so,
it’s not like I had anyone to answer to but me. The summit would be mine. Even
as I was climbing, it was not that easy. The trail was wet and slick and I had
taken the cliff trail along ridges and cliffs on the side of the mountain. The
fog was think and as I got to the top, I began to wonder. Then I happened upon some
fellow hikers. We shared stories and I got my picture taken at the first minor
summit (bald rock). They were proud that I was doing this today. And we all set
out on the trail. I lingered so that I could just be at my own pace. The four
of them made it to the summit well before me. I had to go through some pretty
steep hand over hand climbing and hoisted myself to the summit. The wind was
howling and the view was not visible. But I was at the summit. I happened to
run into one of my earlier fellow hikers. We swapped a few more stories about
the mountain and then he told me… “We’ve all saved you an amazing seat at the
summit in honor of your climb”. It was a seat right at the very tip of the
summit. A few complete strangers cared enough to cheer me on to complete this
leg on my journey. Grinning ear to ear, I settled in to eat my sandwich and
laugh with a few good people. Everest conquered. Now bring on the rest of the
4000footers and above. Life has come back to me. My eyes are brighter, my smile
is wider. And it’s not because of anyone but me. It doesn’t matter if I am sick
when I am on the summit. It doesn’t even matter if a promise gets broken. I’m as
close as I am going to get to the clouds and sometimes those clouds come down
to touch me.
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